Rai.

Rai, I'm so sorry you feel this way.
I don't know what to say,
but to let you know...
That I love you.
I love you just the way you are.
I love any and every little thing about you,
even what you might not.

You're funny,
thoughtful,
nice,
smart,
beautiful...
You are so many things
and I know you don't always see that,
but I wish you did.

And well it does suck you can't
change things that you've done in the past...
don't waste time regretting them
or reliving them.

All you can do is move along.
Try your best today.
Learn from your mistakes.

And most of all don't blame yourself.
I know I don't know everything that went down between you and your friends,
but you're a great person.
And like Tyler Perry said in one of his Medea plays,
some people are in your life for a lifetime
while others are there just for a season.
People who aren't in your life now,
probably weren't meant to be.
And it may be sad that they aren't,
but all you can do is focus on what you learned from them.

Next time you think about Mariah or Dakota,
remember the good times.

When you feel like you wanna jump off a bridge,
please just call me.
Any time, any place.
Hell, I'd take a call at work even.

I don't ever wanna lose you like that.
Or like any way.
I don't wanna be one of those seasonal people in your life.
So I'm going to do my best not to be.
And I promise not to let any kind of fight or
disagreement get in the way
of all the great things about us.

We are Bennet.
Just know that you can rely on us.

I hope that this helps you feel better.

I love you.

Klemey.

Let Me Break It Down, Real Easily.

Tonight was quite wonderful.
I am so happy I went out tonight.

Well, let me start from the beginning.
Burrito met me at Diamond,
around 6:30.

And he met my mom and everybody.
Well, except my pops.

I was thinking that since I hadn't seen him in a long time
that maybe I was just disillusioned to how good looking
and awesome I found him to be.

But I didn't.

He still has amazing eyes
and what not.

Anyways, he got in line for a drink while I bought my ticket.
Then I had to shove my mom off.
So after they left me and him
were talking to Mr. Williams.
An old manager from Tikahtnu.

After awhile we went into the theater.
He let me pick out where to sit.

Then we sat and watched the movie.
No hand holding or kissing went on,
so don't get'chya hopes up!

;)

Anyways, after the movie was over
we were kinda just sitting there watching the credits.
Then I was like,
"Well...?"
Haha, then we left and I really had to use the bathroom,
that's what I get for drinking a large soda!

So after I finished we walked out to his car.
Good lord! It was freezing!
Then he started driving me home.
It was pretty silent between us,
but not one of those weird awkward pauses.
I told him about the Acapella Festivella,
and how they sang to me.
Then my grades.
He told me about his job.
Then I told him I was hungry
(really, I just wanted to spend more time with him)
so I asked if we could stop and get something to eat.

He said sure and we pulled into McDonald's.
We went in and ordered.
Haha, when he ordered he told the lady to pick his food for him.
She wouldn't so I told her to get him a #7.
Haha, I didn't even know what I ordered him,
but he got it.

Then as he was waiting for his food
I decided to call my parents to let them know
where I was ('cuz this was like around 9-ish).
I left my phone in the car so I asked him for his.
Haha, he held it out and I held out my tray for him to put it on,
but he thought that I wanted him to hold it for me while I called.
I laughed and was like just place it on there.

Then we sat down and started talking.
I think this was the most funnest part.
We talked about how he was a jerk.
Yeah, he's a self-professed jerk.
He was telling me all these stories were he was a total a-hole to people.
And I thought it was funny.
At first he wouldn't tell me,
he was like "You'll hate me."
So I promised him I wouldn't hate him.

Anyways, we talked and talked.
He told me a lot of stories about all these a-hole moments of his.
Then he was like,
"I bet the person in the booth behind us is gonna beat me for being a douche."
Then a lady got up from the booth
and stopped by our table.
She was like,
"I'm sorry, but I think you guys make a perfect couple.
I enjoyed listening to you two talk."
Then she left.
We just laughed.

He told me of all these girls he made out with
and how he met Book-Worm.
I liked how open and honest he was about his lady friends.

I was like,
"Is there any girl you haven't made out with?"
Then he pointed at me.

I just laughed and told him no.

Then I told him we could go then,
because he was done.
He told me we could if my parents were gonna get mad,
but that he was enjoying talking.
So I told him we could stay longer and we did.

We talked more,
then I decided we should leave around like 10,
10:30-ish.

He brought me home.

It was funny,
he asked where I lived and I told him by Wendler.
He was like I'm not gonna leave you at Wendler at ten'o'clock at night,
and let some serial killer get you.
Which was funny 'cuz we were joking about him being a serial killer
earlier.
I know, I know weird thing to joke about, but it was funny.

:)

Then he dropped me off.

The End.

Haha, goodness I had fun.
I definitely wanna do that again.

So I think basically,
if had wanted to (and I did)
I could've snogged his face off.
But I chose not too.

God, I'm tired.

Well, I wanted to tell you guys
that I had fun today at the Food Bank.
Although I did get little paper cuts all over my hands.
That was a crazy amount of boxes we made.

Oh, I also told him about that.

I also saw Life As We Know It,
with my family.
It was really good.
That guy is soooo hot!

So I am off to bed.
I gotta work tomorrow at 10.
Angel, I'll post some pics. of Fruits Basket tomorrow.
I love you guys!
Good night!

And I'm away laughing on a fast camel!

Klemey.

If I do leave one day..please know..

that I have enjoyed the fun times we've all had together.

Most likely I'll leave a note with the reason for my leaving.

But basically I'm just tired of getting knocked down everyday. My life is so full unhappiness that even the smallest thing gets me so upset. For example, I drop my books and papers fly out. The result: I talk myself OUT of jumping off a bridge.

You know now I see why I "joke" about that all the time, it's like my Plan B.

Plan A is to wait things out and see if things get better. But Plan B is either jumping off a bridge or running away and never coming back.

Now I'm sorry to be all depressing especially after you guys had a good day.

I just feel like I've given so much of certain parts of myself to other people and I get nothing in return. And it's things people don't even really think about or know about. In the past I've tried so hard to be a good friend, while trying to be a daughter my parents can be proud of, while trying to enjoy my life. But after friendships have gone awry and fights with my parents that I can never take back... I just don't see the point in trying anymore. Maybe that's why I don't try hard enough with you guys or I do try hard or I don't know.

The thing with TI really touched me. Here was a guy about to give up on his life and TI comes and gives him advice and tells him things will get better. And the guy accepts his words and came down.

Me, on the other hand have done similar things in the past, I too have tried to help out people, but I didn't have the same result. God I just feel like even though my friendship with Mariah is over, it still haunts me. It's like I can't get over the past. Maybe I just hate how no one has done for me what I did for her. I don't know what it is. And Dakota too. 9 years of calling ourselves sisters and we don't even talk anymore. It's truly amazing how a fight or something similar can scar a relationship forever. Nothing will ever be the same.

uuggghh I just hate having this feeling inside me. I feel so broken :(

School is alright. Which is nice. But it's not like it matters.

I don't think anything matters anymore. I'm so done with trying. I'm so done with failing. I'm so done with everything. The only way for me to be truly happy in my life is if I get the amazing opportunity to redo this entire life and fix where I went wrong. Which is pretty much the majority.

But I do thank you guys for the fun, great times. Only things I would've changed were the bike rides during the summer, Bennet day in/studying and Eclipse night. But other than that, I appreciated your company :)

Day One as a Vegan.

Complete.

:) I'm so proud of myself! I could totally do this. It may be kinda pricey and stressful at times, but I can feel my body thanking me!

So I'm going to experiment with some vegan dishes and then I might make some for you guys if it's really good!

But YAY! The Chilean miners are being rescued!

By the way Angel,

my friend Claudia is taking a Belly Dancing class, just thought I'd let you know since you wanted to do that lol

But Klemey, dannnngggg. That is sooo weird. Like...his reply shows no emotion or opinion. It's like he's trying to avoid the matter. Lol jk

But you're brave for doing that.

And just to let you know, I am not satisfied with the outcome of this situation that I am NOT going to do the same. Lol.

I'm Pretty Proud of Myself For Doing This.

So here's what I wrote to Burrito:

Hey, Burrito!
So I found out yesterday that you quit the theater.
Which I think sucks, because I like you.
I just wanted to let you know that. I had fun that night we went to Taco Bell together which was forever and a day ago but whatever...
I don't know why I remember that night so much, but I think you're pretty awesome and for some reason I'm pretty sure I have, or had, a big crush on you. Haha, please don't think I'm some kind of weirdo for telling you this...My friends told me I should tell you just to, so I did. And even if you do...C'est la vie!
Well, I got to go so...I hope you have fun doing whatever you've left to go and do...Saying that, I am away laughing on a fast camel!
Klemey! :]

Here's how he replied:

Ah, well, I wont comment on anything right now, aside from to say that you know, just because I quit the theater doesn't mean I'm not in Anchorage. So don't try to make this a goodbye, it just means if you did want to see me you'd have to ask me to hang out outside of work.

I don't know what to say,
accept that I'm super happy he didn't call me a freak!
Haha, I'll tell you more if anything happens!

Well, I'm away laughing on a fast camel!
Klemey!

Woah!

I feel like I missed LOADS while I was gone for...2 days!

hahah

Angel:

Wow dudette! You wrote TONS!

But to reply your posts:

I totally know what you mean by just getting a break! I totally needed one this weekend, I had all my IMPORTANT midterms (Bio, Russian, Computers) already last week and I have one more next week in that Guidance class.

But ANGEL!

Go after this cute senior guy!!! :) Lol what's his name? Email to me!

But Girdwood was AMAZING.

We stayed at this hotel and they have this tram thingy that goes to the top of a mountain and we went up there and we were climbing around and then I fell into some mud! lol!

Here's the link to the hotel page, keep in mind there wasn't that much snow! haha

http://www.alyeskaresort.com/resort/about-aerial-tram.aspx

But I had so much fun with my parents :) It was nice to hang out with them again, we're like the 3 muskateers! We always have crazy adventuress hehee

But they said that maybe next summer you guys could come with us to either girdwood, or seward or kenai! :)

School has still been awesome lol

Although I'm starting to get tired of the same routine everyday..

hehe but the Halloween Carnival is going to be the weekend before Halloween..I think...but they said trick or treat town is cancelled and the UAA carnival is the new "community" one..so hopefully it will be a hit!

Klemey:

IT'S COLD IN MY HOUSE TOO! lol

and why are people touching your face?? That's odd. LOL

HAHAHAHAH

But you definitely should write a letter to Burrito..let him know how you feel! :)

When are you gonna go get those silver UGGs?? hhmm??/

And NO. I don't think people can read your mind! hahah

But that's sad they broke up :(

Although I've never actually seen them together, they SOUNDED cute together hah

As for ms. Cross...not sure what to think...lol

But let me know if you guys want to go Karaoke bowling on wednesday! And yes...I know you have school the next day and all that jazz but it's just an option! It starts at 10pm!

And YAY I'm excited for the Food Bank woot woot!

Living With You Is Becoming A Drag.

Ah! Angel you wrote on the blog!
Yay!
I quite enjoyed reading your posts!

I like the sound of this new guy who asked you what you wanted to be.
And hmmmm, what could we call D.L.?
I think about that later.

Today was extremely fun.
I saw My Soul To Take.
I LOVED IT.
But I missed the last like 10-15 minutes 'cuz I had
to dip out and go to work.

It was like perfectly funny and scary.
Plus, the main dude was quite gorgey.

I feel like I'm going through withdrawal.
I want to read more of my Georgia Nicolson series!
I shall check out the next one Monday.
There's currently 9 I think.
I've read 4.

It's so cold in my house.

So I thought about writing Burrito a letter.
Or well, more like sending him a message on FaceBook.
What I came up with-

Dear Burrito,

I like you.
I'm gonna go die of shame now.
So I guess this is goodbye.
Bye.

Sincerely, Klemey

P.S.
I'm away laughing on a fast camel.

Oh, I went to that ice cream place near the theater while I was
on break.
I had some of THE most delicious ice cream ever.
I forgot the name, but
it was some kind of caramel vanilla thing.

Dude, Ms. Cross seems so cross lately, seriously.
She says she trying to act serious, but it's like she really pissy.
I don't like it.

I didn't like the season finale of TrueBlood.

I really want those silver uggs from Payless.
So bad.
I tried them on today.
I love them.
They look so good.

So I had this couple tonight in my line...
The guy was like really into kissing the girl.
Like he was nudging her neck gently and kissing her while I was getting their stuff.
He was kinda weird though, or at least I felt weird when we made eye contact.
He was quite gorgeous.
His eyes were killer.

Sometimes, I wonder if people can read my mind?
Do you guys think that's possible?

God, I have a lot of homework too.
Not good.
Never is.

Oh, Rai you know that Amechia chick and Mark?
Well, they broke up.
Sad isn't it.

I wonder if my face feels bumpy to people.
Matthew had his hands on my face today.
His hands are really warm.
Zach made him take them off.

I saw a guy with a Death'N'Taxes tattoo.
I thought, "Hmmmm..." when I saw it.

Well, you guys...
I'm pretty beat so goodnight!

I'm away laughing on a fast camel!
Klemey.

soo tired

KLEMYY i love your cupcake costume for halloweeen:D
hey help me find a costume for a party that my god mother is hosting.
i need creative ideas:)
any ideas you guys got?
i need a costume that is simple but not to simple.
a princess but not a princess?
want somerthing not sexy!
but something that would be like whoa look at that chica lol.

i might have to give Sorcerer's Apprentice a chance since you like it so much klemy:)

ummm i hate the seminar klemy.
dwanye wade did talk alot but if he didnt no one would.
hey need a code name for D.L. i dont like using his name like that:S
Cuz i think he is cutesy^^

hey so the downtown fictionnn is a prettty awsome band!
i keep wanting to mention that but i keep forgetiing!


so raii isnt your mideterm coming up??
are you studying for it???
huh huh?
im pretty sure you ll do terrific!!
:D
you always do.

gahhh i gottta askk my broo if he can take me to the beezlububs!!

so how has school been for you rai?
hey when is that uaa thing for halloween?
i wanna go visit you:)
see you dressed as a chicken:)
you would make a cute chicken!
i like chihckens.
but they get mistreated so much these days:(

well night night!
i might miss monday cuz i need to cacth up on soo many thingss! no i cant never mind. ugh!
i wing it as usually.
grr.

angel