To get off my shoulders..

(Just so you know, I had no intention of getting anyone upset or sad. I'm just expressing myself with true feelings because if I don't then you guys will never know how I feel.)

I need to let you guys know that I am not too happy with the way things have been going with us.
I understand we are all busy with work and school and other things, but this is just not working out.
I need to be honest with myself and you guys. So please do not get upset or angry or think I'm crazy.
But I am tired of my plans always failing.
I'm so sick of suggesting fun things for ALL of us to do and one or both of you can't make it.
Now I understand that money, transportation, time off/away is difficult to acquire at times, but if one of us faces an issue with one or all of these things, then why don't we suggest something that's cheaper, easier, and later in the future. Not just cancel altogether.
I know we all have other friends, new and old, but we can't forget our Bennet sisterhood.
Our "guitar hero band" is somewhat like a sorority.
We're supposed to be there for each other, spend time with one another, and if we honestly can't ever meet up, then we should at least try to send the notebook through the mail.
Is that such a bad idea?
Is it really this difficult?
I don't think so either.

I mean I just recently wrote about you guys in a paper, about how your friendship means a lot to me after all the false friends I've had in the past. And then I thought, when was the last time we all actually hung out somewhere?

Step Up 3D doesn't count because that's a movie. I'm talking about sitting around talking about things and laughing up a storm. The last time we did that was...when Klemey and I biked to S'OLAL and sat at that tablee.

Klemey, do not get upset. But I was kind of hurt when you said you were going to the fair with Bam Bam. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy you had fun. But it would have been nice if you went with Angel and I. I understand that you said you didn't have money that weekend, but you could've asked us to push the weekend back until you knew you had the money. I might have been sad to delay it, but I would've been happy that all 3 of us got to go.

Angel, do not get upset either. I'm happy you went to the fair with me, but still hurt that you missed EPL and possibly coming over Monday. I honestly thought you were coming over. We where talking about the Teen Choice awards and watching Camp Rock 2. Maybe I misunderstood you, but when I got off the phone, I thought that you were coming.

I know none of us did anything intentionally, but I feel we have a communication issue, and I'm the one who ends up feeling bad after it all. Because like always, I get my hopes up and then I'm devastated when they come crashing down around me. If anything, I expect too much out of things. But I hate to think that's how it is with us hanging out.

You may not agree with me, but I feel that we are not giving 100% to keep this connection going. I've been spending a lot of time with Jaime at school, and she's fun, but she's not you guys.

No one compares to the fun I've had with you 2. You 2 have provided some of the best highlights of my senior year and summer before college. And I'm willing to put things to the side to spend time with you guys again, but the question is...are you?

Lately, I've been experiencing a troubled mind because I have so many issues with lots of things, but I figured one way to get this figured out is to voice it. So this is my drop of water. It will either land on the grass and help it grow or it will land on the road and dry up in the sun.